What have you learned from your Sifu?

Happen to see this thread in Clubsnap Forum and thought of sharing some of the jokes with all.

Maybe a little background intro to the topic. The word "Sifu" aka Master is so called mentor for photography. So it is practically words of wisdom from some photography masters. But apparently, the thread is actually meant to be a joke so just read for fun and enjoy...

My Sifu told me:

"When a beautiful model smiles at you, she smiles at the camera and the big hole in your pocket."

My Sifu also said,

"Take photos not with your eyes, but also with the lenscap off."

Shifu had this advice for us:

"When post your photos in P&P do as your critic says but not shoot as he shoots."

I ask Sifu how to see,
and he says close your eyes.
I ask Sifu how to go forward,
and he says step backwards.
I ask Sifu how to make a picture say a thousand words,
and he says what?

I ask Sifu how to see,
he says got eyes cannot see meh?
I ask Sifu how to go forward,
he says got legs cannot walk ah?
I ask Sifu how to make a picture say a thousand words,
he says seow or not, picture got mouth meh?

I ask Sifu how to see,
he says got autofocus no need to see.
I ask Sifu how to go forward,
he says forward you hit wall.
I ask Sifu how to make a picture say a thousand words,
he says shoot a double page of Straits Times.

I ask Sifu how to see,
He say close your eyes.
I ask Sifu how to go forward,
He say relax.
I ask Sifu how to make a picture say a thousand words.
He say take off your clothes.

If Steve McCurry is my sifu;

I ask Sifu how to see,
He say OPEN YOUR EYES BIG BIG
I ask Sifu how to go forward,
He say WEAR YOUR SHAWL
I ask Sifu how to make a picture say a thousand words.
He say WAIT AR, I TAKE PHOTO.

Sifu also said:

"If your Kung Fu not good enough and you sit on eggs, sure get egg yokes sticking on your backside.
If your Kung Fu is good enough and you sit on eggs, you'll get little chickens pecking on your backside."